all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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