This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The power of my boobs compel you
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
