don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
