are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize