So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
