I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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