I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
