I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
