you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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