I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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