Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize