youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
