I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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