her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
