Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
