if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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