Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
