having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Sorry about my life...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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