Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
