so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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