...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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