If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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