did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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