So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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