Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
