Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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