just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
