woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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