I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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