My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
