I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
