She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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