I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
