Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
