I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
