I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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