There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
