He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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