I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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