Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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