Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
