I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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