So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
