the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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