so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
