I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
