she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
