We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
