Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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