Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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