I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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