Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
