i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize