Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
don't judge my taste in strippers
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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