I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
