when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
