do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
