you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
