i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Randomize
