the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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