I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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