I didn't shave. On purpose
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
