haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
