sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
