There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
