Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
