Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
