I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i out mim tonsoeep
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