my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
