I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
