sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
