Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
