he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
