i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
