$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
